A Jabroni’s Guide to Chamonix
Ultra Trail du Mont Blanc (UTMB) is quickly approaching! UTMB is a cool race in an even cooler town. I myself have visited the area twice, so I declared myself an expert of the region. Once you book those plane tickets it is a good idea to dive into the tourist research so you don’t end up looking foolish in front of Wim Jalmsley or The French. Here is some decent advice to make your trip a success. There might be some reasonable knowledge below and maybe a couple jokes.
Always bring the poles
The wizard sticks. The European cheater sticks. Whatever you want to call them, just bring them. First off, you’re going to need them hiking up 3,000ft in 3 miles in every direction. Second off, they are a super cool fashion accessory while you're walking around town. Lastly they SCREAM “I’m a trail runner.” Let everyone know you aren’t like the other tourists. Word of caution, I’m not sure if you can carry them on a plane so make sure they are safely stowed away in your checked bag. It would be a shame if TSA had to take away your $300 carbon sticks.
Don’t pronounce the Z in “Allez”
Embrace the culture. Allez should be your answer to most questions in Chamonix. It is also the only phrase you need to know for spectating races. Although I’m not quite sure how to pronounce this word properly, you can just learn from the locals. The other useful cheer is “Venga!” Save this one for our Spanish speaking friends. Hola amigos! With these two phrases you will appear like a worldwide trail running jetsetter.
Please lecture people about cutting switchbacks
Listen, Europe doesn’t have a Leave No Trace ethic in the backcountry so you should probably help spread the LNT gospel. They cut switchbacks like their life depends on it and they need to learn their lesson. Please comrade, help the cause, spread the good word. Just kidding, you should absolutely embrace the Chamonix tradition and cut every switchback you see. I’ve seen Kilian do it, so you should do it too. After all, if you're hiking, you might as well be hiking straight up hill.
Don’t pack road shoes
If you aren’t running on trails, you are running on roads to get to trails. Pretty sure I’ve never seen a pair of Vaporflys in Chamonix and you don’t want to be the first. Don’t be that jabroni. Bring two pairs of trail runners, a fast pair and a cushy pair. Besides that it is acceptable to bring a pair of sandals, that’s all you’ll need my friend. If you forget anything there are top-notch stores in towns where you can spend all your travel budget on trail shoes. Or even better, pay attention to social media and you could score a free pair as part of some over-hyped brand activation. Last year I got a free pair of Craft shoes. I don’t like them, but I feel obligated to wear them.
Run (hike) to all the tourist attractions
Riding lifts and trains to the mountain tourist spots get expensive. Just run (hike) to them all. First off everyone will be super impressed with your athletic ability. Secondly you should probably do everything feasible to reduce your carbon footprint since you (probably) just flew across the Atlantic Ocean to get to this mountain mecca. Think of all the cool flowers and rocks you’ll see from the trails that you would otherwise miss from a tram. Wow.
Switch volume from miles to time
Trust me on this one. Your average pace on trail runs will be in the 15-20 minute per mile range. Running a 60 mile week in Chamonix is nothing like running a 60 mile week in your shitty midwest hometown. Don’t even try. Accept the slow pace and relax. Americans always have such a hard time relaxing and slowing down. Take it easy and hike a bit, okay?
For the love of God don’t rent a car
Embrace the public transit culture my fellow yankee. It will be okay if you don’t have a personal vehicle. I know you are an uber fit athlete, you’ll enjoy an easy stroll into town for dinner or groceries. These little walks are good for your recovery after that 3 mile morning “jog” that took an entire hour. Besides these little Euro cars are lame, you wouldn’t want to be seen in one anyways. I did see one Dodge Ram in downtown Chamonix one time, dear God what an eyesore. The only two things that are cool to rent here are e-bikes and scooters. So go ahead and rip away my friend.
At the end of the day this little mountain town in France is a unique place. It would be wise and more enjoyable for you to embrace their life philosophy. Everytime I visit, my two favorite things are the trails and the food. Maximize your vacation and increase your enjoyment by relaxing and taking it all in. Take care, trail ripper.
